Who I am......Who I am not...

Recently many of us watched a vulnerable Ronda Rousey on The Ellen Show open up after her UFC Championship loss. In this interview Ronda the “tough, powerful” fighter broke down in tears as she confessed how the loss of her title nearly destroyed her. That evening, she said, back in the medical room after being defeated, she felt as though she had lost herself. In her exact words “What am I any more if I am not this....I was literally sitting there and thinking about killing myself.....I am nothing." 

This really hit home for me. Now,  I did not lose the UFC Championship Belt. However, this past year, both personally and professionally, many of the labels I strongly identified with have been stripped away. I admit,  I too was left raw and confused.

Asking myself “Who am I now….?”

Most of us identify ourselves by our titles, be it, Mothers, Fathers, Daughters, Managers, Girlfriends, Husbands, Business Owners, Athletes. These labels can be powerful and often ego based.  Experiencing a change or shift can leave us questioning who we are at all. 

 I was recently talking with my dad about some of these issues, and he said something very profound to me. “Aeryon, In order to figure out who you are…. you must first know what you are not”

Talk about an Ahhhaa moment…

I was spending so much time and energy trying to figure out who I was now, that, to be honest, I was going in circles. However, if I look at what I am not…. the answers seemed so much clearer.

I know, I am not someone who gives up, I am not someone who settles or who watches life pass by. Creating a list of what I know I am not has enabled me to see past those titles to the characteristics that really matter.

Now most of us will never experience losing a world championship belt. But, understanding that a shift in what we believe defines us can be rattling. 

So, perhaps by standing in what we are not…..can actually be the path to discover who we really are...

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Don't be "That Guy" or "That Girl"....

This past week was Anti Bullying awareness day. Schools and work places across North America wore pink shirts to show their support and acknowledgment in bringing an end to bullying. 

My daughter and I have had many discussions regarding this issue. She understands that no one deserves to be made fun of, feel unsafe or have their feelings hurt. The analogy we use in our home is the "Emotional Bucket" from the children's book "Have you Filled your Bucket Today". The premise is we all have one and in our daily interactions with others we should be filling their buckets with positivity, not emptying them.

It was also last week that singer Keisha took Dr. Luke to court to gain control over her musical career and also alleged charges of Sexual Harassment and Bullying (amongst other things). So although we have such awareness of this issue it still seems to be ongoing, even as adults. I believe most just brush it off as a joke, suffer in silence and are too scared to speak up.  So if these allegations are indeed true, I commend her.  Stepping up to one of the biggest names in music would not be an easy decision or task. 

So with this, I began thinking about the conversations I have experienced recently with various athletes and friends regarding bullying and harassment within the Fitness industry.  They have shared with me that on occasions they have felt bullied, been talked down to or asked to do things that they did not feel comfortable with. Being part of a team or representing a brand is usually not your full time job, so I can see where the lines get blurred and there is a grey zone.  Everyone becomes friends, they laugh, joke and yes,  there probably are sexual innuendos thrown back and forth. 

This is just part of the fun….No?

But how far is too far and at what point does it stop being fun…..and more importantly who’s the one measuring this.

We are all aware that this industry is sexual in nature. Fit bodies are used for advertising the benefits of product and hard work.  I would possibly expect bullying from strangers or “haters” via social media. However, I never would have expected that the harassment would be happening internally. I believe whatever role you have with a company, if you are representing a brand or working as an employee there is a level of professionalism that is expected and required. 

I have been blessed with the opportunity to be an athlete for various companies over the years and I have never experienced anything in this regard. I have always felt respected and valued. I was never degraded, asked to send “private pictures” or preform certain tasks that made me feel uncomfortable. Now, could it be that I am employed as an account manager for these companies so maybe that changes the way I am treated? 

I don't think so....

I believe these positions should be viewed not only as a way to gain exposure, and further our athletic careers but also as jobs. In my day to day workplace I would never respond or entertain any derogatory language, therefore I would not accept it in my Fitness career. There is a level of professionalism that should be both given and received. I know there are many athletes out there that share the same sentiment I do.

 However, with this industry evolving at such a rapid pace and so many young men and women coming in with stars in their eyes, it is important that there is a standard of complete non acceptance of this type of behaviour. From both ends. 

I think of my daughter and how I would feel if I knew she was following her passion and being subjected to harassment. Her innocence and wanting to get ahead might lead to choices she may regret. Recognizing the importance of not accepting any type of harassment or bullying should not be a once a year event, but something we stand by each day.

I understand that everyone wants to become someone, but don’t lose sight of your actual worth, speak up when you feel disrespected, stand up if you witness bullying, and don't let someone pressure you to act in ways that go against your beliefs. 

More importantly Don’t be "That Guy” or “Girl” who encourages or empties  anyone's "Bucket"....

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Funeral Wishes

Recently I attended a memorial service for a client and friend that passed away a year ago. People stood up and shared their stories of how this person to this day still affects their life in a positive manner. To think that even a year after his passing people still wanted to gather and honor his contribution to their lives is amazing.

Which got me thinking, when people attend my funeral they will not be talking about my awards, or my sales records. They will not discuss my countless selfies, or Competitions…. There will be no “Wow… Aeryon did an amazing Instagram post”.

What people will be talking about is my integrity, my ability to be kind, loving, and the ways in which I impacted their lives. Just like the stories and conversations that were happening at my friend’s memorial.

So often we (myself included) get caught up in the day-to-day stuff, possessions, social media, the accolades from work and our peers…. We all know that we can’t take these things with us yet most of us count them for our worth. 

I guess one reason for this, I think, is that we don’t think we ever will be gone. I know that I tend to think I’m invincible. I see friends and family who have passed away but I kind of think "It can’t happen to me"….

But it will…

And as much as I want to 'Live Life to the Fullest,' 'Seize each Day,' 'Not Settle and Live My Best Life'…. One day this will be over, and what will remain is the impact I had on people.

How do I make them feel? When they leave me do they smile? Do they feel blessed with my friendship and with knowing me?

I know there are instances in my life where I have not always operated as my best self. I have said hurtful things, acted out of my ego, reacted in ways that I am not proud of. I believe we all have those moments; it is part of this human experience. 

However, owning up to our shortfalls, apologizing, acknowledging and growing from them is also a huge part of this journey. 

At the end of the day…what really matters is the laughter, joy, your integrity, how you inspired and made others lives better because you were part of it…

I only pray that years after I pass people will still gather together and share stories of the love they had for me…. and of my love for them…

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My One Night Stand...

    Oh Carbs….My favorite Nemesis…..

I hear them calling my name as I pack my daughter’s lunch, or when I adjust my dinners to “Extra Veg hold the Rice…Please”. Don’t get me even started on the warm rolls with butter that accompany some meals.

Truth is, I actually have an ongoing fantasy that involves a tub of cake batter and eating my way out of it…I guess that should paint a clear picture of deep my obsession is….

Oh, how I can easily regress to a giddy schoolgirl experiencing her first kiss every time popcorn, bread and pasta pass through my mouth, my heart skips a beat and my toes curl.

Once I start, I can’t stop fantasying about the taste, texture and our next time together…

However, much to my dismay, my body (namely my thighs) also responds the same way, holding onto this lover and NOT letting go.

Like “Single White Carb female” or a “Carb Stalker”, I just can’t escape her aftermath.

Why could I not have this issue with Broccoli, or Beans?

That would be magnificent….

Hummmm…..

Maybe that’s what Heaven is…Endless carbs with no consequence…

But I digress…

Several years ago I vowed my Carb lover and I would only enjoy short-lived one night stands, several times a week. My goal was to look and feel good year round and with that I knew our nightly rendezvous would have to end. It was then I discovered how Carb Cycling and Backloading was a perfect fit for me.

To be clear I do not have a will of steel, I just recognize that the pleasure of feeling great outweighed the temporary pain of resisting my sweet temptress.

Sigh….

So my choice is to miss her when she is gone but as nibs, dark chocolate, rice, hot buns and sweet potatoes dance in my head I know….if I hold tight….Sunday is not far off…. And we will be reunited again…

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Authentic....and Seen

Several years ago my aunt took me aside and asked me a question regarding a personal relationship I was in at that time.

She asked me if this person could “See Me”.

Now to be clear she did not mean visually see me, but moreso see who I truly was.

Could I be authentically myself, flaws and all?

That question has continued to sit with me over the years and I would ask myself again and again in various relationships… “Do you see me?”.

Unfortunately, more often than not, the answer was no.

I can see now where I tried to fit into the mold of what that person wanted me to be for them. I’m not sure if it was my own personal lack in strength or the desire to be a people pleaser. Perhaps a bit of both.

I know that in order to achieve healthy a friendship or a relationship with a partner at a deeper level one must be willing to expose the nitty gritty. 
To be vulnerable with our flaws, truthful with our stories, the good, the bad and our ohhh….so ugly.

But do you feel safe to show it all?

Do you have a space with another where you can be….you…

Knowing there is no judgment, fear, or risk, just complete acceptance and understanding of your path and choices. It is often easier in friendships, but what about intimate relationships? Especially as women where we want to be seen as the good girl or “enough but not too much”…

As I watch my daughter grow and interact with people she operates in complete freedom, she is authentically and effortlessly herself.

Will this change with age?  Environment? Role Modeling? Possibly situational? 

I know with some I naturally feel guarded.

So perhaps it is the other person’s inability to show their true self that leads to this dynamic (mirror effect)?

However, we have all met people who are an open book, unapologetically willing to be themselves no matter who, what, when or where. So how did they miss hopping on the personal judgment train? More importantly, how can I ensure I equip my daughter with these strengths?

Knowing you are judged can definitely play a part in one’s ability to be authentic.

Yet, everyday we are being judged and judging others. So, then, choosing who we let into our lives based on their ability to be authentic is also equally important.

What I know for sure is that going forward I want my daughter to witness her mother being 100% authentic. I want to model courage by being more authentically myself, as well as providing a space for others to be more authentically themselves. 

For I recognize now, perhaps more than ever, that hiding in the shadows of who you really are offers no opportunity to create growth, or depth, in any relationship. 

                                    

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Dating....Please...Don't Pull it Out...

I was recently speaking to one of my accounts about the new online world of dating and the lack of etiquette that seems to be rampant.  

I shared with him my own experience of the onslaught of (naked) pictures, rude propositions, requests for my (naked) pictures, and all of the disrespectful and unkind attempts to get my attention that I receive via Social Media.

What I find interesting is I can guarantee that these men would never resort to this behavior if they were sitting across from me. 

Yet, for some reason, the anonymity they get from sitting behind a keyboard somehow enables these kinds of unacceptable behaviors.  Ask them if they would want their daughters, sisters, or mothers spoken to or approached in such a manner and I promise the answer would be a resounding “No”.

I do understand that we are in a very different era now. Everything is speeding up and changing so rapidly. And grabbing someone’s attention can be challenging.  

It has become the norm to text more than actually speak on the phone. With everyone buried deep in his or her devices we are slowly loosing the art of conversation.

And I must admit that I am guilty of interacting too much through my own devices. I find myself texting more than I talk. To my friends, my work colleagues, even my own Mother. But do I actually enjoy it?

How often are text’s misconstrued and taken wrong?  

Hearing a person’s voice and tonal inflections adds to the story and actually peaks my interest more than a text.  

With texting, and messaging, this ability to communicate yet not physically be “seen” or heard has given many a “Hall Pass” to be more forward (way too forward).

Online anonymity means that one is no longer faced with the horrific reaction of the person’s voice or stunned expression that would normally accompany a face-to-face request to “Pull it out”, or a “let me see your boobs”.  It now gets brushed off with a LOL or an emoji, or no response at all.

What concerns me more than anything is the fact that I have a daughter. I can ignore them, block them, and not give these people the time of day. 

However, if this is becoming a standard norm (and, according to many of the people I speak with, it is) what will my daughter experience in the dating world?

Will she ever have a boy actually call her, ask her on a date, bring her flowers, take the time to respect and get to know her? 

Or are we headed down an even more dark digitized direction….

Is the mystery of your suitor fizzling away?

How do we even turn it back?

Teaching my daughter love and self-respect will equally create a demand for more kindness and respect from her future suitors. She needs to understand that her body is to be valued and that sending unwanted images over a phone is never appropriate (in either direction). 

It is interesting to think that teaching my daughter online etiquette is part of my job as a parent now, something my parents never had to consider.   

So men and ladies, next time you are texting someone, why not pick up the phone, get a little old school, maybe resist the “nudie” shot until you are actually together…. maybe even get a little crazy and have some mystery surrounding your private parts....

Or maybe I will just hope that retro dating will come back into style….

                                        

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My Social Media Why.....

     

As someone who is passionate about Social Media, from both a professional and personal standpoint, lately I have been thinking about what exactly I want my message to be.

We all know that Social Media can be a very powerful vehicle for advertising and branding. Many successful companies now solely rely upon Social Media for marketing. The shift from print to online has had a dramatic effect on the fitness world; an example being that many athletes and fitness models no longer rely on magazine or competitions to gain exposure. Having a mass online following can often be more valuable than the publicity gained by more traditional media sources.

However, when I look at the fitness world it is quite different than “normal life”. With the proliferation of ½ naked selfies, butt shots, ab selfies, and many athletes posing in nothing more than a G-string, it seems as if the standard norm in the fitness world has become almost pornographic. Every progress or transformation pic now seems more and more of less and less. Which I might add, I have been guilty of as well. 

But recently I have been asking myself: Am I being authentic in my message? Or am I falling into the fitness Social Media norm of showing less to gain more followers and likes?

If Social Media is a numbers game, and we view likes and followers as a commodity, then wouldn’t having the right followers be equally as important? Those who buy into your message, find the content of your page interesting, informative, and inspiring, the engaged, valued follower....

I have seen many non-fitness pages that have very interesting content, hundreds of thousands of followers and not one body shot. So in this fitness world of amazing scantily clad bodies how do you create interest and followers without sacrificing and exposing everything (literally)?

If I was selling a car I would show the vehicle and all its features. So is that not part of showing our fitness achievements? Displaying our body and how we maintain and care for it? 

Having a sexy body shot is the best way to garner more likes and possibly more followers, which can lead to more opportunities, we have all seen it. Now if in these pictures are you being authentically yourself then I say rock it out...but I guess that is part of my question...Can these images be used to send a message about who I am and what I stand for? Can I be seen as Aspirational not just a piece of Ass?

I have done many wonderful photo shoots with sexy fitness pictures and I plan on using them. So I am in no way casting any judgment. I know the amount of work it takes to get your body to a certain level. I love doing photo shoots, being on stage and supporting all those who do the same.

Recently after talking to many women in this industry I was made aware that this issue seems to be a common struggle. Many expressed the desire for followers and to create value in their Social Media platforms, but the question lies “At what expense....and can we have both?”

Can we be proud and show our achievements, be authentic, gain new and valued followers, yet be clear and concise on our message without losing ourselves (and all our clothes)?  

                                   

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