Authentic....and Seen

Several years ago my aunt took me aside and asked me a question regarding a personal relationship I was in at that time.

She asked me if this person could “See Me”.

Now to be clear she did not mean visually see me, but moreso see who I truly was.

Could I be authentically myself, flaws and all?

That question has continued to sit with me over the years and I would ask myself again and again in various relationships… “Do you see me?”.

Unfortunately, more often than not, the answer was no.

I can see now where I tried to fit into the mold of what that person wanted me to be for them. I’m not sure if it was my own personal lack in strength or the desire to be a people pleaser. Perhaps a bit of both.

I know that in order to achieve healthy a friendship or a relationship with a partner at a deeper level one must be willing to expose the nitty gritty. 
To be vulnerable with our flaws, truthful with our stories, the good, the bad and our ohhh….so ugly.

But do you feel safe to show it all?

Do you have a space with another where you can be….you…

Knowing there is no judgment, fear, or risk, just complete acceptance and understanding of your path and choices. It is often easier in friendships, but what about intimate relationships? Especially as women where we want to be seen as the good girl or “enough but not too much”…

As I watch my daughter grow and interact with people she operates in complete freedom, she is authentically and effortlessly herself.

Will this change with age?  Environment? Role Modeling? Possibly situational? 

I know with some I naturally feel guarded.

So perhaps it is the other person’s inability to show their true self that leads to this dynamic (mirror effect)?

However, we have all met people who are an open book, unapologetically willing to be themselves no matter who, what, when or where. So how did they miss hopping on the personal judgment train? More importantly, how can I ensure I equip my daughter with these strengths?

Knowing you are judged can definitely play a part in one’s ability to be authentic.

Yet, everyday we are being judged and judging others. So, then, choosing who we let into our lives based on their ability to be authentic is also equally important.

What I know for sure is that going forward I want my daughter to witness her mother being 100% authentic. I want to model courage by being more authentically myself, as well as providing a space for others to be more authentically themselves. 

For I recognize now, perhaps more than ever, that hiding in the shadows of who you really are offers no opportunity to create growth, or depth, in any relationship. 

                                    

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