Sunday 30 August 2015

Bulimia to Balance Part 2



As a young girl my father was a body builder and my mother was a figure skating coach, so athletics and aesthetics were a focus in our household.  I was teased relentlessly in elementary for being over weight, so much so that I was home schooled. At 13 I joined weight watchers with intention of learning food and weight management. However, it became apparent as I sat there with the group of middle-aged women, that I was too much and not enough all at the same time. 
At age 14 a classmate was talking to me about his sisters battle with Bulimia and Anorexia. The family was very concerned at her dramatic weight loss, and in my little mind I immediately thought “this was the ticket”…I just throw up and I can eat whatever I want!!!
So what started in my early teens as a weight loss method, continued on in my early twenties as full-blown Bulimia.  then lived on my own so no one could monitor my eating habits. As I fell deeper and deeper in the Bulimic pattern of overeating and throwing up,  I avoided social situations.  The serious anxiety I had with food included always scoping out the closest bathroom, and ensuring easy access in case I had an episode.
To be clear I usually never go in with a planned binge.  It is that extra bite that sets me off, and like a switch that flips in my mindmy anxiety kicks in. I feel a desperate need to eat as much as possible and then quickly purge to get rid of everything. The after math of depression and disappointment leaves me feeling deflated as I let my Bulimia win again.
In my later twenties I became a personal trainer.  I loved the aspect of helping others understand proper nutrition and training yet I still could not seem to get a grasp on my own personal battle. 
At 27 I competed in my first fitness physique show and for once in my life I had no voices or thoughts to binge and purge. With my strict diet and regimented training, I felt in control. It was far better then the mental battle I usually fought.  I thought if I can just keep doing this…. would be good…I was finally cured….
Then the show ended..and I rebounded into my pattern of Bulimia...
With the determination to regain peace and control I did anther show, but each time I fell back into my old binging and purging habits. This cycle continued, each time with the hopes that I would be able to maintain the sanity I had found during prep.
It was not until I became pregnant with my daughter that I finally decided to stop competing and let go of the expectations for my body. 
Maybe then I would finally stop the bulimic tendencies and have some peace. I thought perhaps all these years it was the fitness lifestyle that kept this mental battle alive. If I just accepted my body tried to eat healthy and be active then the issues would stop…
However, it was still there - and to make the matters worse - I was unhappy with how I felt.  I applaud women of all sizes however, I was not comfortable in my own skin. 
Several years ago I embarked on a journey to really understand my body and this disease. What did I need to do to calm the voices, feel my best, be involved in the fitness industry and if I desired still have a competitive life…..



                                                                        My 13th Birthday


                                                                           Mid Twenties



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Sunday 23 August 2015

Bulimia to Balance Part 1




I recently had the privilege to speak at the Vancouver Pro Show regarding my on-again, off-again battle with Bulimia. There are so many women out there who suffer silently not willing to come forward but desperate for answers. I believe it is time we start the conversation. My next 3 blogs I will be breaking down my presentation, sharing my story and the tools I use to manage and control my Eating Disorder. 

To look at me one would never assume the personal, private battle I have had with my eating disorder for 26 years. For most, Bulimia does not carry the outward characteristics that many associate with that of an eating disorder. However, the mental battle with food remains the same.

Today over 30 million people in North America deal with some sort of an eating disorder. The 3 recognized Eating Disorders are Anorexia Nervosa , Bulimia Nervosa and the newest one is Binge Eating Disorder. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness, with a demographic that usually falls upon women. There is also an increase with those involved in sports and even higher for those in competitive athletics.
Personality traits of Perfectionism, OCD, All or Nothing, Constant Need for More, and Depression among other factors can contribute to eating disorders. 
For years the most impacted age group was believed to be the 18-25 age group.  However, recent studies have began to surface evidence of an alarming number of women in their 30's and even 50's still dealing with these food related issues.

The following are some of the contributing factors to eating disorders. Genetics, as within my own family circle my aunt suffered from bulimia, and a cousin from anorexia. Biochemistry, those with eating disorders tend to have higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Psychology, such as the personality traits I listed above (perfectionism, ocd, etc). Environment, I myself was teased as a child and had family pressure regarding my weight. Then lastly there is Social, with the pressure in western culture with continuous media images portraying women as thin.  We cannot walk by a newsstand or watch a tv program without the glaring images of “perfect” bodies staring back at us.

Some forms of treatment for eating disorders are counselling, anti- anxiety and anti-depression medication along with Cognitive Behavior therapy.  It is my personal experience and feedback from others that eating disorders can continue to be an ongoing issue. This requires each person to choose a path of management that works to live a healthy lifestyle.

So the question then lies, how do we manage this, not have reoccurring episodes and more importantly how do we take away the shame and start a conversation regarding these issues...


                                         


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