We all know that this ideal does not exist. Yet, we all do seem to have a list of 'perfect expectations,' regarding our partner, child, parent, job, friends, and even ourselves. These ideals become the standards from which we compare our current situation to the world around us.
Especially now, with Social Media, images of beautiful homes, svelte bodies, perfect children, and happy in-love couples saturate our lives normalizing new forms of perfection that we simply cannot ever achieve. The effect that this has on many people is a feeling of lack and insecurity. In this way then, we seem to be haunted by these perfect examples. However, they lessen and cheapen our relationships to the world around us by making everything seem 'less-than' the ideal they 'should be.' In our pursuit of the perfect, we miss the good before our eyes. This is not only unfair to us but those around us. But, ultimately, this sets us up for failure as we begin to loose sight of the joy and goodness that pervades so much of our life.
This weekend I had a real breakthrough. I came to see how my expectations of being the perfect parent and having the perfect child were causing damage on the munchkin’s relationship with me.
Our day-to-day life is so full and busy that I catch myself barking orders, delegating chores, mandating homework, and rushing from place to place.
When dealing with my daughter I often get caught up in comparing her to this “Perfect Child” list that I have somewhere in my mind, without any awareness. And, when things don’t go as planned, I judge my lackluster parenting to not being a "Perfect Parent". However, the real tragedy is that I end up missing the beautiful essence that is Mekaella and my sacred relationship as her mother here and now.
So, this weekend we committed to creating a family goal: even if it is just the two of us we are a micro-family, but, more importantly, we are a complete family - together.
We decided to work on really listening to each other by communicating more and to fully expressing what is going on in our lives. We both understand the importance of having a powerful relationship.
Now I can promise it won’t always be “Leave it to Beaver” but we will hold each other accountable for our vision of love, joy, compassion, and family unity within our home…. while knowing that it won't always be perfect.
This is something I plan on implementing throughout all areas my life. It takes work to let go of this list of "Perfection", to just accept and embrace what is around me, but I see the tremendous value it will have in my life.
Now in regards to my micro-family, do take into effect that she is only 8 and I have many years ahead of me, but if we can come back to this place each time of complete communication, and commitment to our family….that is true perfection… not the ideal, but the real here and now.
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