Monday, 3 October 2016

Expecting Perfection....


We all know that this ideal does not exist. Yet, we all do seem to have a list of 'perfect expectations,' regarding our partner, child, parent, job, friends, and even ourselves. These ideals become the standards from which we compare our current situation to the world around us.

Especially now, with Social Media, images of beautiful homes, svelte bodies, perfect children, and happy in-love couples saturate our lives normalizing new forms of perfection that we simply cannot ever achieve. The effect that this has on many people is a feeling of lack and insecurity. In this way then, we seem to be haunted by these perfect examples. However,  they lessen and cheapen our relationships to the world around us by making everything seem 'less-than' the ideal they 'should be.' In our pursuit of the perfect, we miss the good before our eyes. This is not only unfair to us but those around us. But, ultimately, this sets us up for failure as we begin to loose sight of the joy and goodness that pervades so much of our life. 

This weekend I had a real breakthrough. I came to see how my expectations of being the perfect parent and having the perfect child were causing damage on the munchkin’s relationship with me.
Our day-to-day life is so full and busy that I catch myself barking orders, delegating chores, mandating homework, and rushing from place to place.

When dealing with my daughter I often get caught up in comparing her to this “Perfect Child” list that I have somewhere in my mind, without any awareness. And, when things don’t go as planned, I judge my lackluster parenting to not being a "Perfect Parent". However, the real tragedy is that I end up missing the beautiful essence that is Mekaella and my sacred relationship as her mother here and now.

So, this weekend we committed to creating a family goal: even if it is just the two of us we are a micro-family, but, more importantly, we are a complete family - together.
We decided to work on really listening to each other by communicating more and to fully expressing what is going on in our lives. We both understand the importance of having a powerful relationship.

Now I can promise it won’t always be “Leave it to Beaver” but we will hold each other accountable for our vision of love, joy, compassion, and family unity within our home…. while knowing that it won't always be perfect.
This is something I plan on implementing throughout all areas my life. It takes work to let go of this list of "Perfection", to just accept and embrace what is around me, but I see the tremendous value it will have in my life.

Now in regards to my micro-family, do take into effect that she is only 8 and I have many years ahead of me, but if we can come back to this place each time of complete communication, and commitment to our family….that is true perfection… not the ideal, but the real here and now.


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Monday, 19 September 2016

Can Time Stand Still....

As I walked the Munchkin into school last week for the start of her 3rd grade, I couldn’t help but feel overcome with emotion. I glanced to the mother next to me, our eyes connected, and we both confirmed each other’s thoughts….
“Where has the time gone??”
It seems like it was only yesterday that I was dropping her off at Kindergarten; she was holding my hand tightly, with tears in her eyes, asking me to stay. But, now, as I watch her walk confidently through the doors of her school, I marvel at this brave and exceptional little human. 
Though, don’t get me wrong, I know she is not perfect. Her hearing is, more often than not, highly selective. And don’t even get me started on shopping with her and being asked to purchase everything her little eyes land on. 
However, I know these moments with her are numbered, and there will be a day soon when she will no longer wants to hold my hand.  When cuddling with Mom on a Friday night won’t be so cool, she will stop sneaking into my bed in the middle of the night, and her promise to never ever EVER move away from me will eventually be broken.
I understand it is life and this will be my reality before I know it. 
I remember her as a baby I was so excited to get to the next stage, crawling, walking, talking and now as I held her little face in my hands to say goodbye…I just wanted time to freeze.
Being a parent is a complex bag of emotions, I am excited to watch the person she will become, I want her to go off on her own and be successful. Simultaneously, the desire to have her stay my little Munchkin is equally as strong.
But for these precious moments....I will take in every last second….

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Monday, 8 August 2016

The Give Back...

Recently I was discussing the idea of 'purpose' with a family member.  Understanding and finding purpose in our lives and the deep connection to joy it holds has become very apparent to me over the past several years. Without it we often float aimlessly searching for something to fill an indescribable void. Often many turn to different vices (drugs, alcohol, etc.) as a way to numb the nagging feeling that we are here for something more.  
This is one reason why I feel the Fitness community has grown so substantially over the past several years. Training for a show, or an event, provides you with direction and purpose. You become part of a community, speak the lingo (WOD, Fitfam, PR, 16/3/1 week out) and understand the end goal. It is a mini-family of sorts that offers support, and encouragement. 
However, what I have also observed is once the fitness-event or goal has been reached there seems to be a struggle to keep that 'eye on the prize' mentality. Many people seem to lose the initial motivation that had previously drove them each day to push forward and excel. In some cases this can lead to an unhealthy cycle in which one aimlessly competes in multiple shows or events. 
So, if fitness training can provide you with much needed purpose, how then do we find a balance when its initial drive has waned? Although there is a “community”, much of the fitness journey is spent analyzing oneself and being self-absorbed. 
What I believe is that looking outside ourselves and learning to give back can be the key. Whether that be by sharing your story, helping others struggling on their journey, or even just encouraging someone in the gym who is new to fitness. There are so many ways to extend kindness and support to others in our community; a support that we ourselves often fall back on when things seem overwhelming. It is so easy to get wrapped up in oneself, but, often by helping others discover their own motive for health and fitness, we too can discover our true Purpose and Joy.

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Monday, 27 June 2016



We all know the deal, the choices we make have a direct impact on what happens in our lives.  I am sure you, like me, have witnessed family, friends and even ourselves make choices that in hindsight were probably not the best. 

Many of the choices I make are a result of the goals that I have set out for myself. I have always had an expectation that in accomplishing my list of goals, happiness would ensue. However, this joy is often short lived until the next goal is achieved.

Recently I was talking to a work colleague and she shared with me an “Ah ha” moment that she had several years ago. She decided that being happy would be the top priority in her life. And, based on how her life is now and the joy she exudes, I would say she has succeeded.

That really made me think. What would happen if being happy became my life goal? Before each goal or decision was made simply asking myself “How will this bring joy to both my life and the munchkin?". Then from the answer generated by that question, decide if it is worthwhile to invest my valuable time pursuing it.

So what have I decided?

Going forward I am making a promise that happiness will be my top priority. Now, I understand that not everything in life is all butterflies and rainbows, but I want to be happy, blissful and show my daughter a life of joy…. This is the choice I make today.

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Sunday, 24 April 2016

Doing the Best I Can...

Brene Brown’s book “Rising Strong” is an incredible read. For those who you who are unaware of her work on Vulnerability, I highly suggest you watch her TED talk or pick up one of her books. Her message is profound.

In this particular book one of the topics she discusses is the idea that everyone is “Doing the Best they can”.
 Now, one example where I have this mindset is with my parents. When I was younger they were frustrated and concerned with my food consumption and childhood weight - an issue they tried to confront in often unproductive ways. With hindsight though, they both wish they had approached things very differently. But I’ve always accepted that they were doing the best they could at that particular moment based on who they were and what they knew..

However, through all these years I have never really applied that idea to myself. I have always felt a sense of expectation and self-judgment. I should be a better mother and work harder. I should have accomplished more for where and who I am today.....And in speaking with others they also share the same sentiment.....We should be better....  

Then, last night at 2am, I awoke and could not sleep so I tackled some emails and decided to read some of Brene's book.
As I read her section on understanding others and doing their best,  the sentence “YOU also were doing your best in that moment” stopped me mid sentence.. 
I really let it sink in.... in all my imperfect choices, and decisions I too was also doing the best I could at that moment….
Then why is it so difficult to give ourselves a break if we can offer it to others?

Especially as parents, we have such a huge responsibility in raising these little people. When I look at my daughter, I hope she grows up to be compassionate to others and more importantly, compassionate to herself. Leading by example and teaching her that although I am not always right Mommy is trying her best, is the key to her applying this lesson in her own life.

So, I will continue to raise the bar and march in the direction of my dreams. 
But what do I know for sure? 
Going forward when I start to feel self-doubt kick in I will repeat….

”I am doing and have done the best I can in every moment……and that is all I can ever do…..”

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Monday, 4 April 2016

So you want to represent a Brand...

13 years ago I sent my first Athlete package to PVL (Fit Foods) enquiring for sponsorship. I was a trainer at a very busy downtown Toronto gym and loved their products.
Back then it was a large manila envelope with my bio, goals, what I could do for them, several printed photo’s and a disk with more pics to showcase my look.
I must admit I did not get a reply the first, second, third or even fourth attempt. However, my perseverance prevailed and they finally contacted me.
I was determined to represent this company, I used their products, recommended them to my clients and more importantly I believed in them.
When the athlete relation’s manager (customer service at that time) finally contacted me I was over the moon.
They gave me the chance to demo at events, stores and shortly after I pursued an account manager position, which led to where I am today. 
Now I am no longer with Fit Foods.  However, I am still in the industry as a competitor and an account manager of 100+ stores. Roughly a year ago I also became involved in recruiting and working with athletes for two Social Media teams.
I often get asked for sponsorship and I have to say I am usually disappointed with what athletes present to “Sell” themselves.

So I decided to put together some tips that I believe are the necessities in pursuing sponsorship .…

1: Bio, your accomplishments, goals, what you can bring to the brand. That being said I don’t need to know what happened in the 3rd grade. Keep is short precise and engaging. If you struggle with this write a list of questions and answer those.

2: Good Pictures (NO IG selfies). Have some professional fitness shots. If you have never done a shoot make sure your first one is not all lingerie. (Unless Playboy is who you are looking at). Look at Inside Fitness, Muscle Insider, Oxygen and various fitness magazines for inspiration.

3: Know the companies products, message, branding. (Spelling the company name right is key…Trust me I’ve seen it happen)

4: Social Media: Post often, engage your followers, be proactive, and interesting. What is your message? What is your personal brand?

5: Watch your content. I know certain brands shy away from profanity, nudity etc…(know your target audience)

6: Try to stay as close in shape as you can. We all know there is a big difference between stage ready and real life, but trying to represent an active look is also very important. This also varies from Bodybuilder to Bikini. 

7: Be professional, look at this as your way to expand and grow, the more you give to a brand and show your value the more you will get out of it.

8: Remember people are always watching…You never know what opportunities can be arise, look at this as a job. Treat it as such…

9: Use the Social Media channels available to expand your audience. Twitter, Snap Chat, IG, Facebook, I know it is a lot but once you get into the groove it becomes easier. 
Work at your social media, follow, like, tag, and commenting, are all part of the social media game, dedicate sometime each day to build your following...

10: Find a brand that aligns with your own message. Don’t jump from brand to brand just seeking sponsorship. Be authentic and operate with integrity. Follow through on your commitments and most of all be persistent.  You don’t stop training if something does not change after one workout. You continue to improve and go back to the drawing board.

At the end of the day what most brands look for when signing athletes or ambassadors is what can you offer their company. Remember, with so many athletes looking for sponsorship, what makes you unique? How can you add to their team and more importantly their sales...

                                                   My First Banner over 10 Years ago...

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Tuesday, 22 March 2016

Who I am......Who I am not...

Recently many of us watched a vulnerable Ronda Rousey on The Ellen Show open up after her UFC Championship loss. In this interview Ronda the “tough, powerful” fighter broke down in tears as she confessed how the loss of her title nearly destroyed her. That evening, she said, back in the medical room after being defeated, she felt as though she had lost herself. In her exact words “What am I any more if I am not this....I was literally sitting there and thinking about killing myself.....I am nothing." 
This really hit home for me. Now,  I did not lose the UFC Championship Belt. However, this past year, both personally and professionally, many of the labels I strongly identified with have been stripped away. I admit,  I too was left raw and confused.
Asking myself “Who am I now….?”
Most of us identify ourselves by our titles, be it, Mothers, Fathers, Daughters, Managers, Girlfriends, Husbands, Business Owners, Athletes. These labels can be powerful and often ego based.  Experiencing a change or shift can leave us questioning who we are at all. 
 I was recently talking with my dad about some of these issues, and he said something very profound to me. “Aeryon, In order to figure out who you are…. you must first know what you are not”
Talk about an Ahhhaa moment…
I was spending so much time and energy trying to figure out who I was now, that, to be honest, I was going in circles. However, if I look at what I am not…. the answers seemed so much clearer.
I know, I am not someone who gives up, I am not someone who settles or who watches life pass by. Creating a list of what I know I am not has enabled me to see past those titles to the characteristics that really matter.
Now most of us will never experience losing a world championship belt. But, understanding that a shift in what we believe defines us can be rattling. 
So, perhaps by standing in what we are not…..can actually be the path to discover who we really are...
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