Authentic....and Seen

Several years ago my aunt took me aside and asked me a question regarding a personal relationship I was in at that time.

She asked me if this person could “See Me”.

Now to be clear she did not mean visually see me, but moreso see who I truly was.

Could I be authentically myself, flaws and all?

That question has continued to sit with me over the years and I would ask myself again and again in various relationships… “Do you see me?”.

Unfortunately, more often than not, the answer was no.

I can see now where I tried to fit into the mold of what that person wanted me to be for them. I’m not sure if it was my own personal lack in strength or the desire to be a people pleaser. Perhaps a bit of both.

I know that in order to achieve healthy a friendship or a relationship with a partner at a deeper level one must be willing to expose the nitty gritty. 
To be vulnerable with our flaws, truthful with our stories, the good, the bad and our ohhh….so ugly.

But do you feel safe to show it all?

Do you have a space with another where you can be….you…

Knowing there is no judgment, fear, or risk, just complete acceptance and understanding of your path and choices. It is often easier in friendships, but what about intimate relationships? Especially as women where we want to be seen as the good girl or “enough but not too much”…

As I watch my daughter grow and interact with people she operates in complete freedom, she is authentically and effortlessly herself.

Will this change with age?  Environment? Role Modeling? Possibly situational? 

I know with some I naturally feel guarded.

So perhaps it is the other person’s inability to show their true self that leads to this dynamic (mirror effect)?

However, we have all met people who are an open book, unapologetically willing to be themselves no matter who, what, when or where. So how did they miss hopping on the personal judgment train? More importantly, how can I ensure I equip my daughter with these strengths?

Knowing you are judged can definitely play a part in one’s ability to be authentic.

Yet, everyday we are being judged and judging others. So, then, choosing who we let into our lives based on their ability to be authentic is also equally important.

What I know for sure is that going forward I want my daughter to witness her mother being 100% authentic. I want to model courage by being more authentically myself, as well as providing a space for others to be more authentically themselves. 

For I recognize now, perhaps more than ever, that hiding in the shadows of who you really are offers no opportunity to create growth, or depth, in any relationship. 

                                    

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Dating....Please...Don't Pull it Out...

I was recently speaking to one of my accounts about the new online world of dating and the lack of etiquette that seems to be rampant.  

I shared with him my own experience of the onslaught of (naked) pictures, rude propositions, requests for my (naked) pictures, and all of the disrespectful and unkind attempts to get my attention that I receive via Social Media.

What I find interesting is I can guarantee that these men would never resort to this behavior if they were sitting across from me. 

Yet, for some reason, the anonymity they get from sitting behind a keyboard somehow enables these kinds of unacceptable behaviors.  Ask them if they would want their daughters, sisters, or mothers spoken to or approached in such a manner and I promise the answer would be a resounding “No”.

I do understand that we are in a very different era now. Everything is speeding up and changing so rapidly. And grabbing someone’s attention can be challenging.  

It has become the norm to text more than actually speak on the phone. With everyone buried deep in his or her devices we are slowly loosing the art of conversation.

And I must admit that I am guilty of interacting too much through my own devices. I find myself texting more than I talk. To my friends, my work colleagues, even my own Mother. But do I actually enjoy it?

How often are text’s misconstrued and taken wrong?  

Hearing a person’s voice and tonal inflections adds to the story and actually peaks my interest more than a text.  

With texting, and messaging, this ability to communicate yet not physically be “seen” or heard has given many a “Hall Pass” to be more forward (way too forward).

Online anonymity means that one is no longer faced with the horrific reaction of the person’s voice or stunned expression that would normally accompany a face-to-face request to “Pull it out”, or a “let me see your boobs”.  It now gets brushed off with a LOL or an emoji, or no response at all.

What concerns me more than anything is the fact that I have a daughter. I can ignore them, block them, and not give these people the time of day. 

However, if this is becoming a standard norm (and, according to many of the people I speak with, it is) what will my daughter experience in the dating world?

Will she ever have a boy actually call her, ask her on a date, bring her flowers, take the time to respect and get to know her? 

Or are we headed down an even more dark digitized direction….

Is the mystery of your suitor fizzling away?

How do we even turn it back?

Teaching my daughter love and self-respect will equally create a demand for more kindness and respect from her future suitors. She needs to understand that her body is to be valued and that sending unwanted images over a phone is never appropriate (in either direction). 

It is interesting to think that teaching my daughter online etiquette is part of my job as a parent now, something my parents never had to consider.   

So men and ladies, next time you are texting someone, why not pick up the phone, get a little old school, maybe resist the “nudie” shot until you are actually together…. maybe even get a little crazy and have some mystery surrounding your private parts....

Or maybe I will just hope that retro dating will come back into style….

                                        

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My Social Media Why.....

     

As someone who is passionate about Social Media, from both a professional and personal standpoint, lately I have been thinking about what exactly I want my message to be.

We all know that Social Media can be a very powerful vehicle for advertising and branding. Many successful companies now solely rely upon Social Media for marketing. The shift from print to online has had a dramatic effect on the fitness world; an example being that many athletes and fitness models no longer rely on magazine or competitions to gain exposure. Having a mass online following can often be more valuable than the publicity gained by more traditional media sources.

However, when I look at the fitness world it is quite different than “normal life”. With the proliferation of ½ naked selfies, butt shots, ab selfies, and many athletes posing in nothing more than a G-string, it seems as if the standard norm in the fitness world has become almost pornographic. Every progress or transformation pic now seems more and more of less and less. Which I might add, I have been guilty of as well. 

But recently I have been asking myself: Am I being authentic in my message? Or am I falling into the fitness Social Media norm of showing less to gain more followers and likes?

If Social Media is a numbers game, and we view likes and followers as a commodity, then wouldn’t having the right followers be equally as important? Those who buy into your message, find the content of your page interesting, informative, and inspiring, the engaged, valued follower....

I have seen many non-fitness pages that have very interesting content, hundreds of thousands of followers and not one body shot. So in this fitness world of amazing scantily clad bodies how do you create interest and followers without sacrificing and exposing everything (literally)?

If I was selling a car I would show the vehicle and all its features. So is that not part of showing our fitness achievements? Displaying our body and how we maintain and care for it? 

Having a sexy body shot is the best way to garner more likes and possibly more followers, which can lead to more opportunities, we have all seen it. Now if in these pictures are you being authentically yourself then I say rock it out...but I guess that is part of my question...Can these images be used to send a message about who I am and what I stand for? Can I be seen as Aspirational not just a piece of Ass?

I have done many wonderful photo shoots with sexy fitness pictures and I plan on using them. So I am in no way casting any judgment. I know the amount of work it takes to get your body to a certain level. I love doing photo shoots, being on stage and supporting all those who do the same.

Recently after talking to many women in this industry I was made aware that this issue seems to be a common struggle. Many expressed the desire for followers and to create value in their Social Media platforms, but the question lies “At what expense....and can we have both?”

Can we be proud and show our achievements, be authentic, gain new and valued followers, yet be clear and concise on our message without losing ourselves (and all our clothes)?  

                                   

                                      Follow My Journey:

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