This past month of Sept was one of the most challenging month's for me, I was on the go for work, we have our huge annual trade show and the pressure to reach sales targets are constant, I cracked a rib while trying an epic dance move on a VIP couch (fail), developed a rash from the pain killers and was so itching I almost took off a layer of my skin, was served paper's by my ex who is going after custody of my daughter along with child support and to top it off I have decided to sell my house and we have an offer on a bigger place across the street.
In the midst of all this I found myself thinking "What next" and "This is a brutal month" I felt beat down, tired. The most important issue in all of this was in regards to my daughter, she is my top priority, so I had to push everything else aside and focus on the court case (beside scratching myself obsessively) .
After our first lawyer meeting I had complete breakdown, Scott has never seen me loose it like that. I try as most Mom's or Dad's do, to give my best to my "Most Favourite Little Person in the Whole Wide World" (as I call her). The thought of not seeing her beautiful little face and hearing her voice ask me random questions like "Mommy do Blind people have eyeballs" on a daily basis, literally kills me.
Now I won't get in to specifics but after 2 court appearances and a very large sum of money (next lifetime I'm coming back as a lawyer...just saying) I am still the primary caregiver but this is probably far from over. I have never been a person of conflict which is probably why I just "Let things Ride" when in fact I should have started this proceeding myself years ago. I felt at my wits end several weeks ago, I did not know how I was going to get through this, the costs of the lawyer, the time, the emotional strain was enormous.
What has gotten me through all this is being Grateful...it sounds strange but even in the midst of the court hearing I gave thanks "Thank you for our legal system in Canada that I can goto court" "Thank you for this judge and all his wisdom" "Thank you for my lawyer and her knowledge and experience" even "Thank you for my ex"(that was a more challenging thank you...LOL). Though this has been the most upsetting event in my life I am thankful that I have my little person who I never would have known had it not been for him.
You know what....in all the stress and anger things became easier....I felt at peace....I became thankful for this situation and all it is going to be. I do believe everything is a lesson and a step to who you are supposed to become. I cannot get to where I am going unless I walk through this, as this will take me to my next part of my journey.
Since putting more gratitude in my life Mekaella and I have now started saying One thing we are grateful for on our way to school, and I am now trying to look at every situation from the eyes of being thankful...
So for you who is reading this little blog...Thank you...I hope you can look at all the craziness going on in your world through the eyes of gratitude as it makes the journey SO MUCH BETTER! I know it has done wonders for me.....However I am still having difficulty finding gratitude for being so SO ITCHY!!!
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