Had you asked me 8 years ago what my most valued job was or where I saw my future I would say
being a Top Account Manager and then National Sales Manager. Truthfully, my goal was never to be a mother. I never was someone who got excited to see babies. (Puppies yes…. Babies not so much)
Ask me that
question today and you get a very different answer. For now, the most important job I
will ever have is raising my Munchkin.
Since the start, I have always known I did not want to be that strict, children should be seen and not heard, do as I say, angry parent that I experienced with my own father. I know the end result. I was a very unhappy teenager, who snuck out, experimented with drugs, drank and tried to fill a void.
Since the start, I have always known I did not want to be that strict, children should be seen and not heard, do as I say, angry parent that I experienced with my own father. I know the end result. I was a very unhappy teenager, who snuck out, experimented with drugs, drank and tried to fill a void.
During these teen
years, I remember fondly my best friend Reagan’s parents, everyone loved her house, it was regarded as the “cool” house. However, the
reason was not because we got to do what we wanted or eat them out of house and
home. It was the love we experienced.
One moment I will
never forget. It was a Friday night and we wanted to go meet all the other teenagers
at 7-11. Her parent’s were not having it, however their response dramatically
effected me. Instead of the
typical “Because…we said so that’s why you can’t go out”. I remember her Mothers
answer like it was yesterday, looking into our pleading teenager eyes she said “We
love Reagan and we love her friends and we just want you guys at home with us
tonight….we want to be around you”.
That was so profound
to me, how do you argue and get mad at being loved?
So that night everyone
came over, her parents watched movies and visited with us. Over the years I watched as they practiced this in many ways with how they raised Reagan and her brother, and I always admired how close they were as a family.
I try to implement
this technique with my daughter. Now she is just 7 so there is no “Going out”
but I treat her with respect, kindness and love. I talk to her, we have
conversations about things and if she does not listen there are consequences.
However, I am not interested in barking or getting mad. I know I have the
opportunity to make a change, to parent differently.
A quick example is
the other night. I had just returned
that afternoon from being on the road all week and wanted to spend some time
with her. I decided we would go to the
newest kids movie, which she wanted to bring her friends, when I said “No” she
started sulking. Part of me felt angry and annoyed but then I stopped.
I pulled her close
and told her how much I missed her this week, how much I loved her. I explained
that I really wanted to spend some mommy/daughter alone time. I simply expressed my love to
her….
She immediately
changed, told me she loved me and cuddled into my arms the whole movie.
Now lets be clear
I am not saying that I will not get frustrated with her and angry from time to
time. However, I also view her as my little teacher. She has taught me so much about who I am and who I want to be. I have explained to her that we are a team and a team works together. That we need to care, love and respect each other. If I want to change the cycle I need to be aware of my reactions and choices in parenting her.
My job is to
support and help Mekaella rise into who she is supposed to be. I know I won’t be perfect at it but being a conscious parent and using love over anger is a choice I have made.…
Facebook: Aeryon Bela Ashlie
IG: @AeryonBelaAshlie
Twitter: @AeryonAshlie
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